


Hopelessly In Love

by orphan_account



Category: Karlie Kloss - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: (because we all love ourselves a drunk koala), Angst, F/F, Marriage, Oblivious!Karlie, Rated T for some mild cussing, This is a 'Kaylor' fic, some Drunk!Taylor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6576787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taylor knows that she is hopelessly in love with Karlie. But she also knows that she can't have her. Her life was too hectic and Karlie definitely didn't deserve any of the craziness. </p><p>She wants her to be happy. And she'll do anything for Karlie to be happy.</p><p>(In which Taylor is too scared and Karlie is too oblivious.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hopelessly In Love

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a little headcanon I got from my friend.

Now, Taylor decides that lazy Sunday afternoons with Karlie were going to be the death of her. Not that the model's company wasn't welcomed but rather because Taylor always found herself admiring Karlie's beauty in a way that definitely wasn't good for her health.

 _God, she's beautiful_ , Taylor thinks with a dreamy sigh. She allows her eyes to examine each and every single part of Karlie's face. From the shape of her eyes to the curve of her cheek. Her gaze lingers on Karlie's lips, and she can't help but wonder what it would feel like to have them pressed against her own. Those pink lips looked so soft and inviting… They moved gracefully, forming words that combined beautifully with Karlie's sweet voice… Words that were currently being directed at Taylor.

"What should I do, Tay?" Karlie says with a slight groan, letting her head drop to the back of the couch.

"Huh?" Taylor says dumbly, snapping back into reality. She felt a twinge of guilt for not listening to her friend's lengthy speech.

Karlie rolls her eyes. "I spend all my energy and time talking to you but you don't even listen." She says, trying to sound annoyed but she clearly isn't as her lips form a smile.

 _God, those lips_. Taylor refrains herself from leaning towards them. She can't do that. "Sorry, I was a little distracted." _By you_.

"It's okay," Karlie looks at the girl beside her fondly. "I'm really curious about what goes on in that big brain of yours." She playfully presses her index finger against the singer's forehead.

 _You. You are always on my mind._ "I'm sorry," Taylor says again. "Could you repeat what you said?" She still feels guilty for not paying attention to Karlie earlier.

The taller girl sighs lightly. "I was just saying that… Josh and I haven't been improving at all. We've both been too busy with work to spend time together. We come back to the same house every night but we barely talk. We sleep in the same bed together but we don't even remember the last time we went on a date. Heck, we don't even kiss anymore."

_Oh yeah, Josh, your boyfriend. Add that to the list of reasons why we can't date._

Taylor knows that she is hopelessly in love with Karlie. But she also knows that she can't have her. Her life was too hectic and Karlie _definitely_ didn't deserve any of the craziness. She deserved so much better. So, she wants to be there for Karlie when she needs her. She wants to be there for Karlie when she has problems. She wants to be there for Karlie in any way she can. She wants her to be happy.

And she'll do _anything_ for Karlie to be happy. 

"You should talk to him about it," Taylor suggests. "Josh is probably too oblivious to notice. He's a good guy."

Karlie rests her head against Taylor's shoulder. "I know he is, but sometimes I feel like that there's nothing between us anymore." She sighs and nudges her head into the crook of Taylor's neck. She instinctively wraps an arm around her. "Sometimes I wish he'd be more like you."

Karlie's words causes Taylor's heart to swell with hope. _No_ , the singer scolds herself mentally. She tries to suppress the feeling as she says, "Be grateful Josh isn't like me. You don't need paparazzi mobbing you when you go out for lunch." She says lightly. _Because the next thing you know, the public will obliterate the both of you and you guys will be fighting and then you'll be left alone, heartbroken._

Karlie rolls her green eyes and playfully smacks Taylor's arm. "You know that isn't what I'm referring to. I meant that I wish Josh would be around more often and caring like you." 

Pride surges into Taylor as she fights off a grin. She was supposed to be there for Karlie, to offer her advice at times of need; to ensure that she would always be happy. _If only we could be together_. "Josh doesn't mean to be uncaring. He's a busy guy. Just talk to him and he'll do something about it. He's a good guy."

 _He's also an idiot for not appreciating you and treating you like the queen you deserve to be treated as_ , a voice in Taylor's mind chides. _I'm going to hit him on the head the next time I see him_. 

"So what if he is?" Karlie argues. "Just because he's good, it doesn't mean that we should stay together if I no longer have feelings for him."

Taylor shrugs as the hopefulness in her heart multiplies. "Maybe it's a phase all long term relationship couples go through," she offers. "Just… Talk to Josh. I'm sure once he realises this, he'll put in effort to correct it." 

It pains Taylor to talk so highly of the man she envies and resents. Why should she have to polish his image for Karlie? Why should she persuade her to give him a chance when Taylor wants Karlie all to herself?

_Because she deserves to be happy and she wouldn't be happy with me._

She turns to the model and says with a smile, "Just remember that if you ever need someone and he isn't around, I'm always here for you." 

Karlie smiles and pulls her into a hug. "You're the best." She says softly, kissing the top of Taylor's head. The singer returns the smile.

 _Just say the word. I'll do anything for you_.

 

* * *

 

Karlie storms through the doorway and forcefully swings the door back with a loud bang _._

Taylor lifts her eyes from the book she was currently invested in to stare at the model. "Well, someone's in a good mood." She says drily.

Karlie ignores her as she throws her purse down on the couch. Taylor remarks, "What did the barista do to your drink to turn you into The Incredible Hulk?" 

"Taylor," Karlie grits her teeth. "Not right now." Her voice is hard, unfamiliar to the usual sweetness Taylor was accustomed to. This grabs her attention.

"What's wrong?" She asks. She gets up from her armchair, putting down her book and quickly striding towards Karlie. 

She shakes her head. "It's nothing," she mutters. "I'm… I'm just in a bad mood. I'm sorry I snapped at you." She apologises quickly, the tone of regret and shame clear in her voice.

 _Something isn't right_ , Taylor thinks. She takes a seat next to Karlie on the couch. "C'mon, Karlie, tell me what's wrong." 

The taller girl doesn't even look at her. "Nothing, Taylor. I'm just in a bad mood." She repeats. 

"And there's obviously a reason why you're in a bad mood but you're not telling me what it is." The singer gently takes Karlie's hand. "I'm your best friend, Kar. You can tell me anything." Taylor says softly. 

Karlie looks up, her intense green glare instantly softening when she meets Taylor's warm blue eyes. She lets out a long sigh before confessing, "I did what you told me to. I told Josh that I wanted to spend more time together and somehow more words were being thrown around and we got into a fight." 

Taylor is silent, patiently waiting for her to continue. She gives Karlie's hand a gentle squeeze of assurance. 

"At some point, I said ' _You've been so busy at work it's like you're dating your office now,_ ' which he retorted with ' _Guess what, Karlie? Some people, unlike you, have actual jobs!_ '" Karlie's face is screwed up and her voice is an octave lower as she imitates her boyfriend, making Taylor laugh. Her laugh quickly causes Karlie's own lips to form a smile. 

It is clear that Karlie's own mood has improved as she continues her recount. "Anyways, I got mad at him and said something like ' _You're as bland as an office eraser. It won't kill you to talk to my friends!_ ' and then Josh said some stuff about me being immature and my career a joke… Then, we just started spitting petty things at each other and then I came over." Karlie finishes, looking up at her friend. "He's kind of right, isn't he?" She asks with a sad laugh. 

Taylor pulls Karlie into a comforting hug, slowly rubbing her back. "Aw, babe," she coos. She immediately starts scolding herself mentally.  _Damn it, Swift. 'Babe'? How obvious can you get? Control yourself, for Christ's sake_. "Trust me, he's just being dumb." She states hurriedly, hoping Karlie didn't catch her slip up. "Like, _really_ dumb." She adds in afterthought. 

Karlie laughs and pulls away from the hug. Her arms are still around Taylor, which makes the singer feel elated. "Is he though?" She questions. "I mean, modeling _does_ look like a joke compared to his job." 

Taylor scoffs, "Pshh. Sitting in an office is _nothing_ compared to doing a hundred crunches and push ups everyday at the gym." As Karlie starts rolling her eyes, Taylor adds with a straight face, "I'm not kidding! Let Josh try exercising 24 hours a day! Heck, imagine him walking down a runway with 6 inch heels! The boy would be on the floor–" She snaps her fingers in emphasis, "–dead in six seconds!" 

Karlie throws her head back, laughing hard. At the sound, Taylor's stomach tightens and a wide grin forms on her face. Her laugh was the best thing she's ever heard in ages. 

_The term 'butterflies in my stomach' is total bullshit. These butterflies are fluttering in me, turning my stomach into a mosh pit and attacking my heart in the best way possible._

"Oh my god, you're ridiculous." Karlie says once she has gotten her laughter under control. Taylor is pleased that her attempt to improve Karlie's mood has succeeded. _That's always going to be my goal, to keep her happy._

"But in all seriousness, your job is not a joke, Kar." Taylor interjects. "You are, in every way, as much of an entrepreneur as he is. You have that coding scholarship you formed, your Kookies…" She looks at the taller girl firmly in the eyes. "Don't think for one second that you aren't amazing, Karlie Kloss. Don't you dare think that. Because you are _way_ above so many people in the world." 

Karlie's lips break into a small smile. "Thanks, Tay." She says softly. She pulls her into a warm hug. 

They lie back on the couch, their arms around each other as they enjoy the comfortable silence between them. After a few moments, Karlie breaks it, "I think I'm going to break up with Josh. Like, for real." 

Taylor's head, which was previously snuggled against Karlie's shoulder, shoots upward. "What?" She demands, unsure of her own hearing. _Did she just say what I think she said?_  

"I think it's obvious now that we don't really show any signs of affection towards each other anymore… And after our recent fight, I don't think there is any reason to still be together." Karlie explains. "Instead of him, I spend all my time with you now. He spends his time at work. I think it's clear that our relationship is lacking something."

"I don't feel anything for him anymore. He doesn't even make me as feel happy as you do. Maybe I should just date _you_ instead." Karlie jokes. Instantly, the swarm of butterflies return and continue to assault Taylor's heart.

Taylor bites down on her lip to fight off a smile as she contemplates on what to say next. She wants Karlie to be happy, that has always been her goal. She had thought that being with Josh would let Karlie achieve that. He was a nice guy. He was safe. 

But what was the point of safety if she wasn't happy with it? Taylor had always wanted Karlie to be happy, even if it meant that they couldn't be together. She had always put Karlie's happiness first. 

 _Maybe she's right. Maybe she'll be happier without him_. 

Taylor takes Karlie's hands between her own and caresses them with her thumbs comfortingly. "Karlie," She falters a little. "I… If you think– no, if you _want_ to break up with Josh, I… do it. Do whatever you feel is best for yourself. Just know that no matter what, if the break up goes well or horribly bad… Just know that I'm here." 

"I'll be your shoulder to cry on, your buddy that gets you all sorts of junk food to binge on, your best friend that will spray paint his car as revenge. Just say the word and I'll do it," Taylor says jokingly. "If later, you realise that breaking up isn't what you want, I'll help you win him back. If this break up shatters your heart, I'll put it back together for you, piece by piece. And most importantly, I'll always be there for you." Her voice is gentle but assertive.

Maybe, after everything, Taylor will even try to give herself a chance.

_Josh has always been a road bump. I've always stopped myself from revealing my feelings for her because of their relationship. Maybe, if things go right, I could give us a chance. I'll put her heart back together, fix it until it's brand new, and love her like he never did. My life might make things tough but I'll find a way. It'll be hectic for sure but with the proper precautions, maybe we could work... Maybe Karlie will feel the same way..._

Karlie grins widely and pulls the singer into another hug. "Thank you," she says. "I think I'm going to do it tomorrow." She decides. 

Taylor tightens her arms around Karlie as they lie back down onto the sofa. "I'm going to make us lunch tomorrow and you are going to come over and tell me how it goes." She says firmly.

"I will." 

 

* * *

 

Taylor paces back and forth around her living room, wringing her hands in agitation as she waits impatiently for Karlie's arrival.

Lunch is laid out on the dining table, still steaming from just being taken out of the oven minutes ago. Taylor glances at the clock on her wall once more, anxiety beginning to bubble in her chest. _She said that she would be here twenty minutes ago. What if the break up went wrong? What if Karlie is absolutely heartbroken and is crying her eyes out right now?_

Taylor picks up her phone off the table and begins to type a message to send to Karlie. Despite the fact that she had read the singer's ' _Good luck!_ ' text message earlier in the morning and had replied with a smiley-face emoticon, Taylor couldn't help but feel that things had become ominous. 

Her thumbs fly across her phone screen, typing ' _Hey, are you okay? You were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago. Call me if anything is wrong._ '

Just as she is about to press 'send', her door opens to reveal Karlie standing in the doorway. Taylor scans her face with concern for any traces of tears on the model's face as she walks towards her. She is immediately filled with confusion when she realises that no evidence of tears are visible. "Karlie, what happened?" Taylor asks, voice laced with curiosity. "Are you okay? How did it go?"

Karlie nods her head. "Something... something else happened." 

Taylor is immediately alerted by her statement. "What happened?" She repeats with concern. She isn't in the mood for suspension right now. 

Karlie bites down her bottom lip and Taylor tries not to stare. She mentally smacks herself on the head as she tears her gaze away. _Not now, you idiot. It isn't the time for thoughts like that. Keep it in your pants, Swift._

Gradually, Karlie lifts her hand up. Taylor catches a bright flash of silver and she feels her heart drop to her stomach.

_Don't tell me-_

"He proposed." Karlie announces, smiling slightly. 

The phone in Taylor's hands slips out of her grasp, falling onto the fall with a clatter but she barely notices. Her throat constricts and her mouth feels as dry as bone. She feels a burning sensation in her eyes where tears are waiting to be shed. _He proposed._

All her vital senses are cut off and the only thing she can hear is the loud pounding of her heart. She can feel her legs turning weak, shaking slightly, threatening to give out at any second. The cannonball in her gut grows heavier and heavier with each second that passes and she fights down the urge to gag. _He proposed. And she said yes._

" _Taylor!_ "

Karlie's concerned voice pulls her back into reality. "Huh?" Taylor mumbles, still in shock. Her heart hammers painfully against her rib cage as she desperately tries to cope with the situation at hand. 

"Are you okay? You dropped your phone and didn't even budge a muscle." The taller girl says, handing over the phone to her. As Taylor retrieves her now-cracked phone, her stomach tightens when she gets a proper view of the ring on Karlie's finger. A decent sized diamond sits in the setting of the ring, glittering with every movement. It is not gaudy. It is no doubt an expensive engagement ring. It is utterly beautiful. 

Taylor hates it with every fibre of her existence. 

The burn in her eyes intensifies and she can feel tears threatening to spill. _No, don't cry. This isn't about you; it is about Karlie. She's happy. Stop being selfish. Don't you dare cry._ Somehow, she manages to suppress the tears.   

"Taylor?" Karlie tenderly places a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?" 

Taylor takes a deep breath and plasters on a wide smile. "Of course I am. Sorry about that." She wraps her arms around the taller girl in a tight hug. "Karlie, I- you... Just... wow, congratulations." Her tongue feels like lead as she stumbles over her words. 

She pulls away and gingerly asks, "What happened to your, uh, original plan?" 

Karlie shrugs. "I was going to do it this morning but before I could say anything, Josh suddenly got down on one knee and pulled out a ring." She states. "He apologised for being a bit of a crappy boyfriend and said some stuff about how it has been four years and... I thought about it. Maybe our falling out is just a phase. He was right; if I had broken up with him, I would've been putting four years to waste... So, I just said yes." She finishes. 

Taylor hesitatingly asks, "Do you... do you love him?" _Is all hope finally gone for me?_

Karlie just shrugs. "I guess so." Taylor narrows her eyes. "You said you didn't yesterday. You told me that you weren't happy with him." _You said you were happier with **me**._

Karlie shrugs once more and sighs. "I think it's just a phase. Besides, maybe this will revive whatever has been lost."  

 _Maybe it won't_ , Taylor wants to argue but before she can say anything, Karlie interjects, "Tay, you're the first person I told. You're my best friend and you mean so much to me," She lips break into a smile- the sunshine smile that Taylor absolutely adores and turns her heart into mush- and she says, "Will you be my maid of honour?"

The weight in her stomach increases, as if her heart had really fell into it. A small part of Taylor doesn't even want to be in the same city anymore, much less be maid of honour. But the moment she looks up and is met with gorgeous green eyes, she forms the tiniest smile. 

_How can I say no to you?_

"Karlie, of course I will." The model grins and hugs her, planting a kiss on Taylor's cheek as she does. For the briefest moment, the weight in her stomach lightens. 

 _I will do anything for you_.

After they pull away from each other, Taylor says, "Well, are you ready to have lunch? I originally had prepared an amazing post-break up meal but you obviously had different plans... Mind you, it's probably frozen cold thanks to your tardiness." Karlie rolls her eyes at Taylor's teasing. Just as she's about to take a seat, a loud ' _ding_ ' emits from her phone. Karlie turns it on and quickly reads the text message she had just received. "It's Josh." She sounds just as surprised as Taylor felt. "He... He wants me to go back." She declares, turning to Taylor.

The sinking feeling returns and settles in Taylor's gut. She gives her a small smile, using all her willpower to make it seem genuine and not look as sad as she felt. "Go," she says softly. "He probably wants to tell his family with you." 

_Of course he does. Who wouldn't want to let the world know how lucky they are to have you?_

"Are you sure?" Karlie asks guiltily. Taylor rolls her eyes but forces a smile on her face. 

"Go, Karlie. I'll be alright; I've got the cats with me." She says lightly, gesturing to the living room. Neither Meredith nor Olivia are anywhere in sight. 

Karlie breathes in deeply and stands up, shamefully walking towards the door. She turns back with a grimace. "I'm sorry I have to leave-"

Taylor waves her apology away, trying to act casual as her throat tightens once more. "It's okay, Karlie." 

The model, perturbed, furrows her eyebrows. "Are _you_ okay?"

Taylor nods her head. "Yeah." She says shortly, nearly choking the words out. "Just go." Her voice cracks by the slightest and she prays that Karlie doesn't notice. _Please just go_ , she pleads.

"I'll call you later." Karlie promises, giving her one more apologetic nod before walking out the door. 

Taylor rubs a hand across her face, fighting back the tears in her eyes. _Pull yourself together_. She takes a shaky breath as the tears slowly begin to dissipate. She briskly walks out of the room, unable to bear the sight of their untouched meal.

She wasn't fine at all.  

 

* * *

Although she normally didn't enjoy the idea of spending her nights at bachelorette parties in bright, noisy nightclubs, Taylor wanted nothing more than the night to last forever. 

Practically drowning in alcohol, Taylor and Karlie clung onto each other throughout the night, the singer constantly planting kisses against her cheek and yelling drunken sentences to her. 

Karlie, the more sober one between the two, had tried dragging Taylor away from her fourth glass of tequila numerous times to only fail. 

"Are you trying to kill yourself? Because you are probably already halfway there." Karlie says drily as she watches the singer down the contents from her shot glass. 

"Hey!" Taylor exclaims indignantly when Karlie grabs the fifth shot out of her hands.

"You've had enough to drink. Go sit down and sober up. I'll get you water." Karlie instructs, pointing towards the couch.

"But Karlie-" 

"No, Taylor," Karlie says firmly over the loud music. "Now go. I'll be back." 

Reluctantly, Taylor makes her way to the other side of the room. She plops herself onto the couch next to Cara, the model looking almost as hammered as her. 

"Welcome to the _Sober Up!_ Club," Cara greets, handing Taylor a bottle of water. "This has to be one of the best bachelorette parties I've been to. I've got to say, you're doing a fantastic job as maid of honour, Taylor." The Brit compliments. She continues, "Although, I'll admit, I've always pictured things a little differently. 

Taylor raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "What do you mean?"

Cara stares at the singer for several seconds before saying, "Promise you won't tell a soul?" Taylor nods her head.

Cara sighs. "Karlie has been one of my best friends for years and I love her but to be perfectly honest, I could never picture her getting married with Josh." 

"I'm actually genuinely surprised that Karlie had agreed to marry the bloke," Cara admits. "They've always been so odo together, and not very couple-y. I've never thought that he'd be the one she'd marry. Heck, you and Karlie getting together would make more sense." 

Taylor turns her head to the Brit sharply. "What makes you say that?" She asks, her heart beginning to beat quickly.  _Are my feelings for her **that** blatant?_  

Cara shrugs. "She has always seem more relaxed and happier around you. And Karlie tends to gush about you more than her boyfriend," She cheekily adds, "I wouldn't be surprised if she forgets about Josh from time to time." 

Cara continues, "You guys always act so couple-y around each other. Remember that time you told me about how nervous she was to meet her parents?" 

Taylor did. It was easy to remember; most of her valuable memories were about Karlie. 

_"You'll be fine," Taylor had assured her as she laid down utensils for the awaited dinner. "They're just my parents and you're my best friend. It's not like you're my new girlfriend or something." She restrained herself from letting the word 'unfortunately' slip out of her mouth._

_"I might as well be, because I'm absolutely terrified." Karlie had stated. "Oh my god, Taylor, what if your parents don't like me? I don't want to be that friend they disapprove of! Is this what meeting your significant other's family feels like? Because if it is, I think we should just start dating now." She'd joked._

_The dinner had gone well. From the way her parents were laughing, it was obvious that they loved Karlie._

_"Well, I guess it's safe to say that they like me," Karlie grinned. "Pretty soon, they won't hesitate to give me their blessing when I ask for your hand in marriage." She joked._

_Taylor playfully pushed her arm as butterflies began fluttering in her stomach. She quickly turned away to wash the dishes, praying that Karlie hadn't noticed the crimson blush on her cheeks. If she hadn't known better, she would've actually thought that she had a chance._

A sad smile takes its place on Taylor's face as she thinks about that eventful day. The way her heart had been beating rapidly whenever Karlie joked about them dating was definitely hazardous for her health. That was the only time Karlie had acknowledged the idea of them ever being together. 

Karlie had no idea how she was making her feel. She had no idea just how much Taylor was in love with her. 

 _I should just tell her_ , Taylor thinks. _I have nothing left to lose, I might as well; she's getting married tomorrow. Either way, we'll never be together._

With liquid confidence flowing through her bloodstream, she obtains enough courage to walk towards Karlie.

Without anymore contemplating, she grabs Karlie firmly by the shoulders and turns her around, their faces less than an inch apart.

"Karlie, I-" 

"Taylorrrr!" Karlie exclaims cheerfully, dragging out her friend's name. It was clear that she had consumed a few more drinks while Taylor was away. 

The taller girl grins at her and says, "Taylor, I just want to tell you that… Thank you. Thank you for everything." 

Karlie hugs her and plants a kiss on Taylor's head. "Thank you for being my maid of honour, for throwing this amazing party, for being there for me, for letting me play with your cats… And most of all, thank you for being my best friend. _Thank you so much_. I wouldn't have it any other way." 

 _'I wouldn't have it any other way.'_ The words echo in Taylor's mind, burning a hole through her brain. _She's happy that we're friends. She wouldn't change the fact that we're **just** friends. _

"Sorry, were you saying something before I interrupted you?" Karlie mumbles, pulling away. 

 _I am in love with you_. Those were the words Taylor had been prepared to confess. Now, after listening to Karlie's abrupt speech, the words die in her throat. 

 _I do have something to lose_. She realises.  _I can't do this. Karlie is happy that we are friends. If I tell her, I'd be jeopardising our friendship, jeopardising what I have left. Or worse, I'd make her feel guilty. Of course Karlie would feel that way; she's too sweet for her own good._

"I…" The hesitation in her voice is obvious as Taylor struggles to come up with a substitute answer.

"I… I am happy for you. You deserve all the happiness in the world and if marrying Joshua will give you this… Then, I'm so happy for you." 

She wasn't lying. Taylor was happy for Karlie. She was happy _for_ her. 

"Aw, babe," Karlie gushes, pulling Taylor into a hug once more. "Thank you so much."

 _I'm happy that you're happy. But **I'm**_ _not happy._

Of course she wasn't. Taylor was absolutely heartbroken _._

Once they break away, Taylor grabs the first alcoholic drink she sees and downs it. It isn't too long before she gets a refill. And another one. And another. She has had at least five more drinks until she decides to dance the night away with Karlie and the rest of their friends.

With loud music blaring through the speakers and various sorts of alcohol in her glass, she is be able to escape reality and numb her aching heart for the night. Even if it was only for one night, she had Karlie right by her side.

And that was all Taylor needed. 

 

* * *

 

"C'mon, Swift, move your legs." Karlie orders as she throws one of Taylor's arms around her own shoulder. She wraps an arm around her waist to keep the blonde from falling over.

"Sorry," Taylor slurs, carelessly stomping her feet down and standing up with Karlie. "I didn't mean to get shit drunk on the night of your chicken party."

Karlie raises an eyebrow and turns to the intoxicated girl with a small smile. "' _Chicken party'?_ Are you trying to say 'hen party'?"

Taylor shrugs noncommitally, waving off the taller girl. "Whatever, potato, _po-tah-toe_ ; tomato, _to-mah_ – HEY! Look, it's Santa!" Taylor suddenly exclaims with excitement, flailing her arm around wildly to point at an elderly man with a white beard.

Karlie pushes her hand down and quickly mouths ' _Sorry, she's hammered!'_ to the startled man. She quickly guides the inebriated singer out the back entrance of the club.

Taylor frees herself from Karlie's arms and walks away from her, swaying slightly as she stands at the side of the alleyway. " _Karlieeee!_ " Taylor whines, dragging out her friend's name. "Why'd ya take me away from Santa?" She pouts, glaring at Karlie.

"Because you're drunk and Santa Claus isn't real, Taylor." The model says calmly, reaching for Taylor's arm once more.

A loud gasp leaves Taylor's mouth. She pulls her hand away from Karlie and points an accusing finger at her. "You take that back!" She says, sounding offended. "Santa is definitely real! And I'm not drunk!" She adds in afterthought.

Karlie can't help but smile. Taylor's behaviour from her lack of alcohol tolerance was incredibly entertaining. "Oh, you're not drunk?" She challenges.

Taylor shakes her head. "Noooope. Nuh uh. I can say it in different languages, too. _Non, nien_ … no… I'm not drunk; you're just very blurry." She adds with a dreamy smile, "Blurry but pretty."

"Alright then, what number is this?" The taller girl holds out her fist and sticks two fingers out for her own amusement.

Taylor giggles, "That's not a number, silly. That's your hand!" She grins. "Klossy is silly. Silly Klossy. Killy sloss… floss…" She sighs happily and begins stumbling down the alleyway, mumbling unintelligible words under her breath.

"Woah there, you're coming with me." Karlie says, quickly catching up with Taylor and grabbing her hand.

Taylor extricates herself from her grip once more. "Nuh uh. No way, pretty face. I'm still mad at you for takin' me away from Santa! Wanna know why?" She asks.

Karlie grabs Taylor's hand firmly and places a hand on the singer's back to stabilise her. "Why? What's so great about Santa Claus?" She asks, hoping that humouring Taylor would distract her from running away.

"Because all I have to do is sit on his lap and he'll get me whatever I want!" Taylor reveals. "Of course, I'd rather sit on _your lap_ but you can't give me what I want."

Karlie brushes off the _your lap_ comment. "What do you mean? Why can't I give you what Santa can?" She asks, genuinely curious.

Taylor turns to her and clumsily places a hand on Karlie's cheek, not-so-gently hitting her nose in the process. "That's because you're getting married tomorrow, Kar!" She says slowly, speaking as if she was educating a five year old child.

Karlie furrows her brow, bemused. Taylor's drunken words were making no sense to her. "What does that have to do with–"

"Shh!" Taylor shushes, carelessly pushing a finger against Karlie's lips to silence her. "You're getting married. _Marriage_ , Karlie! Then, next thing I know, you're getting a puppy in a carriage! Marriage, Karlie, is–" She suddenly stops herself. Taylor blinks several times, her face morphing into a look of realisation. " _Marriage_." She says softly.

"Taylor?"

She looks up at the model, her beautiful face laced with concern. Taylor blinks once more, the truth sinking in. "You're getting married tomorrow." She says mostly to herself. "You're going to get married to Joshua Kushner." She is silent as her realisation truly and finally sinks in.

"Taylor, I think we should get you home," Karlie says gently, nudging the girl. "Let's go, okay?"

Taylor nods silently. As they slowly walk down the alleyway, she says, "You're marrying Joshua Kushner. Then you'll be Karlie Kushner." She wrinkles her nose. "Ew. You're better off with _my_ last name." She says, the thought of it making her giddy once more.

"Okay, Taylor." Karlie humours. She throws one of the singer's arm over her shoulders and wraps her own around her waist once more.

Taylor turns to her. "But really, Karlie!" She sounds excited. "Swift-Kloss is _so_ much more better."

"Mmhm." Karlie hums, continuing to guide Taylor down the road.

"It is! Admit it!" Taylor demands, pushing herself against Karlie. The model loses her balance, causing the both of them to stagger.

"Taylor!" Karlie exclaims. "Don't do that!"

Taylor giggles and bangs her side against Karlie's twice more. Karlie lets out an exasperated sigh as she tries to get the both of them safely down the road with Taylor's interference.

When Taylor hits her side harder than before, Karlie stumbles in her heels and warns, "Taylor, _stop it_. I don't want you to fall."

Taylor suddenly bursts out laughing, surprising Karlie. She rests her head against the taller girl's shoulder and says, "Oh, Karlie…"

"What?" Karlie asks, perplexed. She makes a mental note to make sure that Taylor never consumes alcohol again.

Taylor looks up at her and smiles sadly, her normally lively blue eyes dark. She says softly, "I already have."

Taylor lets out a soft, sad laugh and plants a gentle kiss on Karlie's cheek. She wraps her arms around her in a hug and presses her nose against the side of her face, sighing contently. Karlie returns the hug, her brain still trying to put Taylor's words together without progress.

Taylor eventually breaks away from the hug and takes a deep breath. Her face suddenly perks up. "Hey, look, it's my car!" She grabs Karlie's hand and quickly pulls her towards the black SUV, leaving Karlie little time to think as Taylor yells a loud, " _HI!_ " to her awaiting bodyguards.

 

* * *

 

Taylor winces at the bright light peaking through her curtains. There is a ringing in her ears, a heavy pounding in her head. Her throat feels like she had been drinking gallons of acid and her tongue feels like she'd been dragging it across gravel. Taylor groans softly. She hadn't intended to get _this_ hungover. 

She is grateful and thanks her lucky stars that she had woken up in her familiar warm bed with fluffy pillows and a soft comforter rather than on the floor of the club. 

She rolls onto her side, her back facing her window as she tries to remember what had happened last night. 

 _What the hell happened last night? I was at the party… had a few drinks… scratch that, I had **way**  too many drinks… Wait, how did I get home?_ 

She wracks her memory as she tries to figure out an answer to the mystery. Her security weren't there. But then how did she get back?

 _Karlie_. 

Guilt instantly disperses in her. Taylor groans softly as she finally recalls the eventful night. She'd gotten hammered and had to be dragged home by the bride-to-be. 

 _Great job, Taylor. You goddamn idiot_. 

Taylor's memory is vague as she tries to remember the details of last night from her drunken state. She remembers ignoring the weird looks she received from her awkward dancing (surprise surprise), knocking back alcohol like it was water, yelling incoherent words at a chair for being in Karlie's the way, being dragged out by Karlie, hitting Karlie's side repeatedly, confessing her despondent love for her–  

_Shit._

~~~~Taylor quickly sits up, ignoring the painful pounding in her head. She frantically scrambles out of bed, resulting in her to tumble onto the floor which causes her to hit her elbow against the bedside table loudly.

 _Shit, shit, shit, SHIT_.  

Taylor worriedly runs a hand through her hair as she swallows back a scream. She is positive that she has ruined her friendship with Karlie in a single, drunken night.

 _Amazing job, Swift. You stupid, stupid idiot. You ruined everything. Karlie probably hates you and wants nothing to do with you now_ , she chastises herself. 

Before she can continue to scold herself mentally, her door opens. None other than Karlie Kloss pokes her head in, with a look of concern on her face. 

"Taylor?" She asks, walking into the room. "I thought I heard something just now and wanted to make sure that you were okay. What happened? And why are you on the floor?" She asks lightly, her green eyes shining with amusement. 

Taylor is speechless; she had _not_ expected for Karlie to be in her house after last night. Hell, she'd expected Karlie to run away from her if she was within 3 meters of her vision. 

"What are- who- I fell. Why are _you_ here?" Taylor croaks, her throat dry as she fumbles with her words. 

Karlie smiles and rolls her eyes. "I figured that you'd need someone to babysit you and make sure you didn't puke on your cats." She hands Taylor a water bottle, which the singer takes and drinks from gratefully. 

Now that the pounding in her head has eased, she manages to form proper sentences again. "... Are you mad at me?" Taylor asks apprehensively. She is perplexed; why is Karlie being so nice to her right now?

Karlie raises an eyebrow. "Why would I be?" She questions. "It's not like you stole all my cookies." She jokes.

Taylor doesn't crack smile. "But... everything that happened last night-" 

"Really, Taylor?" The model laughs. "Do you seriously think that I would be mad at my best friend for getting drunk?" 

 _No. I thought that you would freak out about my love for you_. "What happened last night?" She asks curiously. 

Karlie taps her chin thoughtfully. "Hm, well, the party was amazing. As it got later and later, everyone got drunker. I'm pretty sure Cara passed out at around midnight," she adds with a laugh. "Then around 2am, I brought you back home. If I hadn't, you probably would've ended up with alcohol poisoning." She jokes. 

Taylor, who had been listening attentively to the taller girl's words, wonders, "Did I do or say anything weird?" _Like admitting that I was in love with you?_

Karlie chuckles. "Obviously. When have you ever done anything sane while intoxicated?" She teased. "You yelled at a chair, hugged a pole, called a man with a beard Santa and stood on the table, declaring, 'If that boyfriend of yours ever mistreats you, I will send my entire fan army to fight his boring ass!'."

Taylor blushes profusely, embarrassed by her drunken behavior and she hopes that the heat flooding her cheeks isn't visible. "Did I do anything else on the way back?" She asks. She is yearning to know how Karlie had interpreted her confession. _Maybe she forgot about it._  

"You practically tried to kill me on the way back; you kept shoving me around." Karlie recalls. "And one more thing, you basically smothered my face with kisses last night, mumbling under your breath." She says, "That's about all I remember."

The singer lets out an inaudible sigh of relief. _She doesn't remember or at least, understand. Your friendship with her hasn't been ruined yet._  With that out of her mind, her headache can finally be acknowledged. Taylor rubs her temples and groans softly. 

Karlie takes her hands and hoists the tired girl up. Taylor stumbles slightly and collides softly against Karlie. She gently wraps an arm around her waist to steady her. "I've got you." She says. The shorter girl hugs her, burying her face into her shoulder and breathing her in. 

With the slow, languid movements of Karlie's hand rubbing against Taylor's back comfortingly, it was easy to forget about all the pain in her head and the anxiety she had been feeling before. It was easy to forget all her worries as long as she was with Karlie. 

After staying in that position for several moments, Karlie breaks the silence by asking, "Are you ready?" 

Taylor lifts her head up. "For what?"

"The wedding." 

The unpleasant load makes its presence in Taylor's stomach once more. _Damn it_. How could she have forgotten? Today was the day she'd been dreading, the day that signified that all hope was gone.

"There's going to be a fancy make up team ready so you don't have to worry about looking like a zombie in the photos." Karlie jokes.

Taylor cracks a small smile. "I'm ready whenever you are." 

"Perfect," Karlie grins. "I'm gonna go take a shower." She breaks away from Taylor and heads towards the door. Right before she leaves, she turns back. 

"Thanks for being an amazing friend, Taylor." She says softly before shutting the door, "I love you." 

' _I love you_ '. The words echo in her head. Tears prick Taylor's eyes once more. It wasn't fair that Karlie could just say something like that to her. 

 _How can she just say that? How can she just say 'I love you' and not expect me to feel like this?_  

 _It's not her fault. Friends say 'I love you' all the time. She doesn't know_ , Taylor tells herself. 

The voice in her head argues _, How can she not? How can she not know what those words mean to me? How can she not know how difficult it is to not fall in love with her?_

It wasn't fair that Karlie had no idea how easy it was for her to break Taylor's heart. 

 

* * *

 

Taylor nervously fiddles with the bouquet in her hands, dreading for what was about to come. _Maybe she ran away. Maybe she pulled a Rachel Green and escaped from the bathroom window_ , a small voice in her head says wishfully. A stronger, sadder voice objects.

Josh is standing at the altar, fidgeting. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes trained on the doorway. He himself looks just as nervous as Taylor was feeling. The difference was, he wasn't fighting back tears of heartbreak. 

Taylor dreads the moment when the flower girl finally reaches the end of the long carpet, marking the end of her petal tossing; marking the end of Taylor's remaining hope.

Everyone gets on their feet as Karlie begins walking down the aisle with her father.

_All those hour-long professional photoshoots with fancy clothing and yet they are nothing compared to how she looks right now._

Her wedding dress is white, with simple swirling patterns on it. Her make up is minimal but Karlie has never looked even more stunningly gorgeous. Her father is by her side, a proud grin on his face as he prepares to give his daughter away. 

Karlie scans around the room until her eyes meet Taylor's. The moment green eyes met blue, everything seemed to slow down in time.

With each step Karlie took, the weight in Taylor's gut got heavier. With each step Karlie took, the quicker whatever hope Taylor had left faded away. With each step Karlie took, the cracks in Taylor's heart grew deeper.

Taylor swallows the lump in her throat and tries to return Karlie's grin. Taylor had spent years faking smiles for the public eye. She'd spent ten years forcing wide grins for paparazzi, journalists and fans. But for the first time in her life, she struggles to crack the tiniest smile.

Everything happens in a blur as Karlie reaches the altar. The model reaches over and gently squeezes Taylor's hand. _Even on the day I've dreaded for my entire life, you never fail to make my heart race in the best way possible._ Taylor doesn't acknowledge any of the words the preacher says; she's too distracted staring at Karlie.

Up close, she's even more flawless. Her gorgeous green eyes are bright with excitement and her dimples are noticeably prominent as she smiles widely. 

That smile on Karlie's face is all Taylor wants to see for the rest of her life. 

Taylor is only brought back to reality when she hears the preacher's powerful voice say, "If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot be lawfully be joined together in matrimony, _speak now or forever hold your peace_."

The entire room is silent. The only thing Taylor could hear was her heart pounding. _That's my chance_. She could stop it now. Now is her moment to speak up, to convince Karlie that marrying Josh was a mistake. She clenches her shaky hands and takes a deep breath. Taylor's mouth is dry when she begins a feeble, "I-" The rest of the words get stuck in her throat. _You can't do that. Karlie is happy. That has always been your goal, for her to be happy. She is now. Don't ruin it for her_ , a terrified voice in her head screams.

The preacher then proceeds with the rest of the ceremony, Taylor's stutter going unnoticed. Her chance was gone.

Taylor couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. It was ironic that years ago, she'd written songs about being brave and speaking up and yet here she was, scared out of her mind.

 _That was my last chance and I blew it._  

The stinging in her eyes becomes almost unbearable when she sees Josh slide the ring onto Karlie's finger.

The weight in Taylor's stomach burns hotly as the bride and groom exchange their vows.

She looks away as Karlie pulls Josh in for a kiss, sealing their bond. 

That is when the last of Taylor's heartstrings break.

Taylor can't help but reminisce about last night, about her drunken confessions.  

_"I don't want you to fall."_

_"I already have."_

And it was true; Taylor had long fallen for Karlie. And she had fallen hard. 

Taylor hurriedly wipes away the tears that have begun to form at her eyes, hoping that none of the guests had noticed. 

But even if they did, perhaps they would mistake the tears as ones of joy. Hopefully, none of them could see the sadness in her blue eyes.

Especially not Karlie. 

 

* * *

 

When it's time for the newly wed couple to have their first dance, Taylor wants nothing more than to leave. She'd been keeping her emotions in and fighting back her tears throughout the entire day. Watching Karlie dance with her new _husband_  would send her over the edge and into a mess of tears. 

Just as she is contemplating to sneak away and get a few drinks to soothe her aching heart, Taylor is pleasantly surprised when it is declared that the music player had broken down. 

_Maybe I won't have to see them dance._

But of course, fate wasn't going to allow her such bliss. 

To her dismay, Josh turns to her with a sheepish look and shyly asks, "Um, Taylor, is it too much to ask if you could sing a song for us?" The wedding guests begin to cheer, agreeing with his suggestion.

For the briefest moment, Taylor considers smacking him across the face. Of course she wasn't going to sing for him. Why in the world would she want to make her life even more miserable by singing sappy love songs at the wedding she absolutely despises?  Just as she is about to reject his request politely, Karlie quickly chimes in, "Oh, please, Taylor? Could you do that for us?" 

She quickly turns to the model. The moment she looks into hopeful green eyes, Taylor's rejection evaporates from her tongue and is forgotten. Karlie holds her stare. "Can you do that for _me_?" 

_How can I say no to you?_

"For you?" Taylor smiles. "Of course." _I'll do anything for you._

Josh smiles widely. "Thank you so much." He turns to Karlie and asks, "What song do you want to dance to?" 

Before Karlie can reply, Taylor cuts her off. "It's okay. I know what song she wants." She interjects before making her way up the stage. 

Of course Taylor knows what song Karlie wanted to hear. She remembers Karlie declaring it as her wedding song. She remembers being so nervous the first time she played it for her, praying that Karlie wouldn't get suspicious. Most of all, she remembers thinking of Karlie when she wrote it.

Up on the stage, Taylor grabs the guitar offered to her and begins strumming the first few chords of _You Are In Love_ as Karlie and Josh begin their first dance as a married couple.

Throughout the song, Taylor keeps her eyes trained on Karlie. She is smiling happily as she dances in her new husband's arms. Taylor hates how much it hurts to look at that beautiful smile. She hates that Josh is the reason why she's smiling that way.

She hates that she is still in love with her best friend. 

She tears her gaze away from them as she sings, 

" _One night, he wakes,_

_Strange look on his face,_

_Pauses, the says_

_'You're my best friend'_

_And you knew what it was,_

_Sh-he is in love_ ,"

Taylor continues singing, pretending as though her slip up hadn't happened. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. She tries to maintain a neutral expression as she scans the crowd of guests, gaging their reaction. None of the guests seemed to have noticed her slipping in the word ' _she_ ' instead of ' _he_ '. 

She quickly moves her gaze to Karlie, searching for any sign on her features that meant she had heard Taylor's slip up. Thankfully, Karlie doesn't seem to have noticed; she was too busy dancing in Josh's arms with the biggest grin ever seen plastered on her face.

She was too busy shattering Taylor's heart without even knowing. 

 

* * *

 

By the time Taylor finally gets home, it's already past midnight.

She lets out a low sigh as she shuts her door close, leaning against it. She even ignores her cat, Olivia, when she comes sprinting into the room, meowing happily.

 _It's officially done_ , she thinks. _She's married now_.

Taylor drags her eyes upwards to take in the sight of her living room, only to be hit in the chest with a pang of misery.

Everything in her house _screamed_ of Karlie. Taylor still remembers the night she came over and they had baked various batches of cookies the entire night. She could still remember the nights they'd spent cuddled up on the couch, watching a _Friends_ marathon to only get distracted by each other and end up talking util the sun came up.

She remembers their first road trip together; how they'd escaped to Big Sur where they were pleasantly occupied with each other, their troubles forgotten in a heartbeat. Taylor had pushed aside her problems with work and Karlie had shoved her relationship problems out of her mind easily as they cuddled throughout the night. 

She remembers being absolutely mesmerised by Karlie's beauty the first time they met, being intrigued by her cheerful personality. She could remember every single moment Karlie had been there for her. She remembers how Karlie had rubbed the back of her hands with her thumbs, trying to comfort her from one of her nightmares. She still remembered the moment when she realised that she had developed a crush on Karlie; she remembers how scared she'd been. Most of all, Taylor remembers the moment she realised that she was completely and hopelessly in love with Karlie Kloss. 

She had known that it was hopeless since the beginning. 

The aching in her chest grows, soon engulfing her in pure sorrow. Taylor slides down the door and she collapses onto the floor. Now, in the privacy of her empty apartment, she finally allows herself to cry. 

 _I'm to blame_ , she realises. _I fell in love with her knowing that I couldn't have her. And when_ _Karlie had considered breaking up with Josh, I had encouraged her to not do so. I had ended anything we could've possibly have before it even started. I never gave us a chance. It's my fault._

Taylor stifles her sobs when Olivia jumps into her lap and rests a paw on her arm lightly. She manages a watery laugh at the feline's attempt at comfort.

"It's all my fault, Olivia," She tells the cat. "I was too scared… I was too afraid that it would destroy our friendship, that if we ever got together the public would ruin us, too afraid that she wouldn't be able to take it and end up leaving… I'm so stupid." Taylor groans softly.

_She would never leave. She's Karlie Kloss. She would never hurt anyone like that… But I knew I couldn't offer that to her. She's better off with someone else whose personal life isn't in the spotlight. Nothing good comes with being associated with me. **She** would end up getting hurt. _

Taylor doesn't bother to wipe away the tears that are running down her face. She then realises that perhaps, in a different world, in a different life, Karlie and Taylor would've been perfect for each other.

**Author's Note:**

> (Happy endings don't exist under my expense. Happy endings are overrated.)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Feedback and constructive criticism is always appreciated!


End file.
